Vicious Damnation

I can't say what is this. That fill that blank space in my heart. But I want it. Even when it leave me away, more empty than before. This sensation that makes me complete for five minutes, and then makes me completely empty. I just can't understand. How can someone be so self-destructable? How can someone make such mistakes in a row? Am I going mad? I don't want to think about it. I just want to think about those three. So gorgeous, in many ways. The first isn't so beautiful, but turns me on a frenzy. The second is a desire, a prize for insistence. The third, the completely unknown, from a distant land that maybe I'll not see anymore. I'll be very happy if I don't see anyone tonight. And why? Because I know this was a massive mistake. This was unproud, unthinked. This was dangerous. This was good.
I was listening to them, but now. What I remember now? Was it a dream? Was it a delusion? Yes, that was the only thing. That was just a dream. Just a great delusion, nothing more. I will be glad if this delusion just vanish. I don't want to remember. And that's why I drink. To don't remember. To be powerful. To be good. I just want everyone to forgive me. Because I want to be good. And I drink. Today I'll not drink. Tonight I'll remember everything. Today will be different. I'll remember. I'll be conscious. Today I'll get rid of that vicious damnation. Or maybe die trying.